i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
