11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
