The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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