my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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