fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize