my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
