Where did you get a picture of my penis
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
