woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Someone signed my nipple.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
