I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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