Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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