so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize