Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
