i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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