you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
