did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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