It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
