there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
