why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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