I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
