I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
