whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
