just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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