He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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