Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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