I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
