Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Randomize