Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
