my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize