Don't make out with my wife yet
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
