just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
