Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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