Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
