shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
