Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
