Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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