He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize