Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize