Who did Billy Mays play for?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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