He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
