yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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