Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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