Slut skills are useful in every country.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
