The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
