Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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