Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
