mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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