Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Randomize
