god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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