Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
