My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize