I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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