yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
