I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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