They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
