Acid is not a monday night drug
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize