my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
