dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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