Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
