i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
should my penis look like a turkey
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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