Betty ford says i'm here all night
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
