I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
