Swine flu. Run for my life!
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
