I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
