i think my mom watched the whole time
We named our party play list daddy issues
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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