he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I believe in your delicious
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
