last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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