ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
