i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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