About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Randomize
